How Pretend Play Builds Empathy and Confidence - What to Know in 2025
In the landscape of early childhood, it is easy to mistake play for a simple diversion—a frivolous break from the "real" work of learning. But decades of developmental science reveal a profound truth: for a young child, play is the work. It is the primary, biologically-driven engine of development. Among its many forms, one-night stands out as uniquely powerful: pretend play. This imaginative, role-driven activity is a critical mechanism for cognitive and social development, helping children understand emotions, relationships, and the complex world around them.
Pretend play is not just one activity; it is a holistic developmental process. Dr. David F. Bjorklund, in an editorial for the journal Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, likens it to a "metaphoric multivitamin". This analogy powerfully frames play as a process that supports a "host of enhanced cognitive abilities," including executive function, language, and perspective-taking. Far from being an optional extra, pretend play is the high-fidelity simulator for the social and emotional world. It is the foundational method children use to build empathy, strengthen communication, and forge a resilient sense of confidence.
This report will explore the mechanisms of pretend play, synthesizing the robust research on how this one activity lays the essential groundwork for a child's entire social-emotional future. We will examine what pretend play is, the data supporting its benefits, the 10 specific ways it builds empathy and confidence, and the practical steps parents can take to nurture this critical part of development.
What Is Pretend Play?
Pretend play, also known as imaginative or dramatic play, is a sophisticated cognitive function where children intentionally create and act out scenarios or characters in an imaginary world. It is the act of asking "what if?" and then living out the answer. This form of play is not a single concept but a developmental progression, evolving from simple imitation to complex, collaborative storytelling.
The cognitive foundation of all pretend play is symbolic play. This is the profound cognitive leap, typically seen in toddlers, where a child understands that one object can stand in for another—a block becomes a phone, a spoon becomes a hairbrush, or a simple tablecloth becomes a superhero's cape. This capacity for symbolic thinking is the exact same cognitive skill required for language, where the spoken word "dog" (a symbol) stands for the real, four-legged animal.
As this symbolic skill matures, it evolves into dramatic play. This is where a child moves beyond simple object substitution to actively assigning and acting out roles. When a child plays alone, pretending to be a doctor or a chef, they are engaging in dramatic play, "taking a walk in someone else's shoes" to process emotions and experiences.
The most developmentally advanced form of this activity is sociodramatic play. This is where pretend play becomes a collaborative, social endeavor. This group play is considered by many researchers to create the "optimal conditions" for developing high-level play and self-regulation. To make a game of "restaurant" or "pirates" work, children must negotiate roles, co-create rules, and manage conflicts. They must build what researchers call a "pretensive shared reality," a complex social act that is, by its very nature, both "co-operative and co-creative". This transition from solitary role-playing to collaborative negotiation is the very crucible in which social empathy is forged.
Stats and Research Around Pretend Play
The claims about pretend play are not based on folklore; they are supported by a large and growing body of evidence in developmental psychology. While it appears to be simple fun, the underlying cognitive and emotional "work" being done is measurable and significant.
Enhancing Social-Emotional Skills: The link between high-quality pretend play and social-emotional competence is one of the most well-documented findings in the field. Studies, including those referenced in the journal Developmental Psychology, show that children who engage in frequent, complex pretend play demonstrate significantly higher social-emotional skills. This includes a more advanced understanding of others' mental states, a skill known as Theory of Mind, which is a cornerstone of empathy.
Increasing Emotional Understanding: Pretend play is a powerful tool for emotional learning. One of the most-cited outline statistics suggests that dramatic play can increase emotional understanding by 22% in preschoolers. This is supported by interventions like those developed by Goldstein & Lerner (2018), which found that dramatic pretend play games (DPPG), a specific, guided form of play, uniquely improve emotional control and regulation in young children. This suggests a direct causal link: practicing emotional scenarios in play trains the brain for real-world emotional management.
Improving Language Skills: The outline's claim that pretend play can improve language skills by up to 17%, as suggested by University of Cambridge research, is rooted in the deep, synergistic relationship between play and language. As the National Literacy Trust notes, play and language are "completely intertwined". Sociodramatic play requires children to articulate their ideas, negotiate meaning with peers, and use new and complex vocabulary, all while building and following a narrative structure.
Boosting Confidence and Problem-Solving: Children who engage in daily imaginative play show higher self-confidence and problem-solving abilities. Research shows that imaginative play fosters creative problem-solving and divergent thinking. Confidence is not an abstract gift; it is the by-product of mastery and agency. When a child successfully solves a logistical problem in their play (e.g., "how do I build a fort that won't fall down?") or a social one (e.g., "how do we decide who gets to be the king?"), they are building a real, earned sense of self-confidence and resilience.
It is important for an expert analysis to add a layer of scientific nuance. The most rigorous and comprehensive reviews on the topic, such as a landmark 2013 review in Psychological Bulletin by Lillard et al., caution against "strong causal claims about the unique importance of pretend play". This review suggests two alternate possibilities: "equifinality" (pretend play is one of several effective routes to positive development) or "epiphenomenon" (play is just a correlate of other causal factors, such as the quality of the parent-child relationship or the child's environment).
However, this does not diminish the value of play. A more holistic synthesis suggests that pretend play is not a magic bullet but a powerful synergistic process. Play is the vehicle that facilitates these other crucial interactions. Pretend play is what prompts the rich language exchange with a parent, it creates the context for the social negotiation with a peer, and it provides the safe space for a child to bond with a caregiver. The evidence is clear: a childhood rich in imaginative play is a powerful, effective, and essential pathway to healthy development.
10 Ways Pretend Play Builds Empathy and Confidence
The power of pretend play lies in its specific, repeatable mechanisms for skill-building. It functions as a laboratory where children can experiment with the complex, unwritten rules of social and emotional life. Below are 10 specific ways this process unfolds.
1. Helps Kids Understand Other People’s Emotions
Mechanism: Externalization and Examination.
Pretend play is a powerful tool for emotional development because it allows children to process, understand, and express their feelings in a safe, constructive way. Young children are often overwhelmed by "big feelings" like anger, jealousy, or sadness. In pretend play, they can project these confusing emotions onto a "vessel," such as a doll, a stuffed animal, or a puppet. By making a teddy bear "sad" or "angry," the child is able to externalize that abstract feeling, look at it from a distance, and experiment with how to respond to it. They can "soothe" the crying doll, or "tame" the angry monster, all while safely processing their own internal emotional state.
2. Teaches Perspective-Taking Through Role-Playing
Mechanism: Cognitive Simulation.
This is the literal, active practice of empathy. Empathy is not just about feeling for someone; it is the cognitive ability to imagine their mental state. When a child plays "doctor," "parent," or "teacher," they are forced to simulate the mental state of another being. They must ask themselves, "What would a doctor do in this situation? How would this patient feel? What does this person want?". This act of "taking a walk in someone else's shoes" is the very definition of cognitive perspective-taking, a foundational skill for Theory of Mind and all future social relationships.
3. Encourages Cooperation and Sharing With Peers
Mechanism: Shared Goal Attainment.
While solitary play is valuable, sociodramatic (group) play cannot function without cooperation. To successfully build a "castle" from blocks, run a "restaurant," or play "family," children must negotiate roles, share limited resources (e.g., "the one red block"), and take turns. This negotiation is a high-level social task. The desire to keep the fun game going becomes the child's primary, internal motivation for practicing these prosocial skills. They learn, through direct experience, that if they don't cooperate, the "pretensive shared reality" dissolves and the fun stops.
4. Builds Problem-Solving Skills in Social Scenarios
Mechanism: Low-Stakes Conflict Resolution.
Pretend play is a constant, flowing stream of social and logistical problems. "More than one child wants to be King of the castle". "The 'cake' keeps falling over." "We don't have a 'phone' for the store." These moments are not failures of play; these moments are the play. Unlike a real-world social conflict, the stakes are low. There is no lasting consequence for "failing." This low-stakes environment provides a unique opportunity for children to experiment with new ideas, find creative solutions, and practice negotiating with peers until they find a mutually agreeable outcome.
5. Boosts Self-Confidence Through Creative Expression
Mechanism: Agency and Mastery.
In the adult-run world, children have very little control. They are told when to wake up, what to eat, and where to go. In the world of pretend play, they are the directors. They invent the rules, control the narrative, and define what success looks like. This creative expression provides a profound and necessary sense of "agency and accomplishment". Confidence is the direct result of mastery. By creating, managing, and controlling their own "play worlds," children are repeatedly proving to themselves that they are capable, creative, and powerful.
6. Provides a Safe Space to Practice Real-Life Challenges
Mechanism: The "Emotional Simulator."
This is perhaps the most therapeutic function of pretend play. It is the primary way children "work out confusing, scary, or new life issues". A child who is anxious about an upcoming visit to the pediatrician can "play doctor" with a stuffed animal, giving it the "shot". In doing so, the child reverses the roles from passive (the patient) to active (the doctor). This simple reversal allows them to process their fear and gain a sense of control and mastery over the intimidating situation. This mechanism applies to all of life's challenges, from navigating a family illness to processing the arrival of a new sibling.
7. Strengthens Communication and Storytelling Skills
Mechanism: Narrative Practice.
To engage in pretend play, especially with peers, a child must use language. They must articulate their ideas ("Let's pretend we're on a pirate ship!"), negotiate roles ("I'll be the captain, you be the first mate"), and describe actions ("Look out, a shark is coming!"). This is active, real-time practice in storytelling. It teaches narrative structure (a beginning, middle, and end) and vocabulary expansion as they try out new words and phrases they have heard from adults or in books.
8. Helps Kids Learn How to Lead and Take Initiative
Mechanism: Child-Led Scenarios.
Unstructured, child-led play is a natural leadership laboratory. In a play scenario, the child who suggests the game ("Let's play 'store'!") is taking initiative. The child who assigns roles and directs the action ("You be the shopper, I'll be the cashier, and we need to find 'money'") is practicing leadership, delegation, and planning. This is where children learn to formulate a plan, communicate that vision to a group, and execute it—the core skills of leadership.
9. Encourages Emotional Regulation and Patience
Mechanism: Practicing Frustration Tolerance.
Pretend play is not always easy or idyllic. Towers fall, peers disagree, and rules must be followed. These moments of friction provide constant, low-stakes opportunities to practice managing frustration and disappointment. Structured games with rules (like board games or simple turn-taking activities) are a direct way to practice patience. Research has shown that dramatic play specifically improves emotional control. It activates the neural pathways for managing stress and helps children build resilience by learning to adapt to new situations.
10. Fosters Compassion by Acting Out Caregiving Roles
Mechanism: Rehearsing Prosocial Behavior.
When children play "family," "doctor", or "veterinarian", they are literally practicing compassion. They are simulating the act of caring for another being—a doll, a friend, or a stuffed animal. This rehearsal of caregiving behaviors reinforces the emotional and cognitive pathways for empathy. Research on adult trainees, such as nursing students, shows that role-playing caregiving scenarios measurably improves their empathy scores. This same powerful learning principle is at work when a child gently bandages a teddy bear's "broken" arm.
Examples of Pretend Play
These developmental skills are not built in a vacuum. They are forged in the classic, everyday play scenarios seen in homes and preschools around the world. Here is how those common games connect to specific developmental outcomes.
Playing doctor or veterinarian: This is a classic "safe space" scenario. It allows children to process their fears and anxieties about real-life medical visits by taking on the powerful, active role of the doctor. It also directly fosters empathy and compassion as they practice being a caregiver to a "patient".
Pretending to cook or run a restaurant: This scenario is a rich cognitive and social task. It requires complex planning (What's on the menu?), logical sequencing (You must "cook" the food before you "serve" it), and problem-solving. When done with peers, it's a masterclass in social roles (chef, waiter, customer) and cooperation.
Dressing up as superheroes or favorite characters: This play is about processing power and powerlessness. Children often feel small and helpless in a big world; superheroes are "big" and "powerful." This play allows them to feel strong and confident. It also provides a prosocial framework for aggression ("I'm using my powers to help!") and a way to explore big emotions, like identifying with the Hulk to process anger.
Building imaginary worlds with dolls, stuffed animals, or action figures: These toys act as "vessels" for the child's own emotions, ideas, and narratives. A child can explore complex social scenarios, such as friendship, conflict, or family dynamics, through their toys. This is a pure form of storytelling, where the child is the sole author, director, and narrator.
Playing school, store, or “family”: These scenarios are all about practicing and understanding real-world social roles and rules. To "play school," a child must embody the perspective of a "teacher" or "student". This is how children learn and rehearse the scripts, expectations, and social norms of their culture.
Creating cardboard forts or pirate ships: This is a child's first lesson in engineering, design, and spatial reasoning. They must solve real, tangible physical problems: "How do I use this blanket to make a roof?" "How can I keep this wall from falling down?". The resulting fort is a physical symbol of their mastery, and it provides them with a sense of autonomy—a "space of their own".
Using puppets or figurines to act out stories: Puppets can be a powerful tool for communication, especially for shy or less verbal children. The puppet acts as a "buffer," allowing the child to express thoughts, feelings, and stories they might be too hesitant to say as themselves. It's a safe and effective way to practice communication and process complex emotions.
When Does Pretend Play Start? (Developmental Stages)
Pretend play is not a switch that flips on; it is a gradual and fascinating unfolding of cognitive and social skills. While every child develops at their own pace, the progression generally follows a predictable pattern.
12–18 months: Early Symbolic Play
At this stage, play is primarily functional and imitative. The very beginning of symbolic thought emerges as a child uses a real object for its intended function, but in a "pretend" way.
What it looks like: Pretending to drink from an empty cup, pretending to talk on a toy phone, or performing a single, simple action like feeding a doll or hugging a teddy bear.2–3 years: Emerging Scenarios and Role Imitation
Here, symbolic thought becomes more abstract, and children move from single actions to simple sequences.
What it looks like: A child will link two or three logical actions together (e.g., "pour milk," "stir milk," "drink milk"). They can now use one object to represent a completely different one (e.g., a block becomes a "phone," a box becomes a "car"). True role imitation also begins, with the child explicitly stating, "I'm Mommy" or "I'm the doctor".3–5 years: Fully Developed Imaginative Play
This period is often called the "high season" of imaginative play. Play becomes highly complex, social, and fantasy-based.
What it looks like: Fully developed sociodramatic play emerges. Children can now engage in complex, multi-step scenarios that last for 15 minutes or more. They assign roles to themselves and peers ("You be the baby, I'll be the mom") and create elaborate narratives with clear beginnings, middles, and ends. Fantasy characters (dragons, superheroes) and problem-solving within the narrative ("The pirate stole our treasure! We have to find it!") become common.5+ years: More Collaborative and Complex Narratives
At this stage, play becomes highly organized, collaborative, and can be sustained for long periods.
What it looks like: Children can create and maintain a complex fantasy world with a group of peers, sometimes for days at a time. They are masters of cooperative negotiation and can fully embody a character, maintaining their specific role and perspective for the entire play scene.
For a clear, at-a-glance summary, the table below outlines these key developmental milestones.
|
Age Range |
Stage of Play |
Key Milestones & Common Examples |
|
12–18 Months |
Early Symbolic Play |
Performs single, imitative actions.Uses objects for their intended function (e.g., pretends to drink from an empty cup, brushes doll's hair).Hugs or feeds a doll or stuffed animal. |
|
2–3 Years |
Emerging Scenarios |
Links 2-3 logical actions in a sequence (e.g., feeds doll, puts doll to bed).Uses one object to represent another (e.g., a block is a phone).Imitates adult roles ("I'm Mommy"). |
|
3–5 Years |
Complex Sociodramatic Play |
Engages in multi-step, complex scenarios (e.g., "high season" of play).Assigns roles to self and peers ("You be the doctor").Creates fantasy narratives (pirates, superheroes, royalty).Solves problems within the play. |
|
5+ Years |
Collaborative Narratives |
Engages in highly organized, cooperative play with complex, negotiated rules.Maintains a single role for the entire play scene.Creates and sustains play narratives over multiple days. |
10 Ways to Encourage Pretend Play in Kids and Toddlers
Knowing the value of pretend play, many parents wonder how they can best support it. The good news is that this is an intrinsic drive; the goal is not to create the play, but to foster the environment where it can flourish.
1. Set Up an Imagination Play Corner
A dedicated space, even a small one, signals to a child that creativity is valued. This does not need to be an entire room. A simple "home corner" or "imagination zone" with a few props and organized storage (bins, shelves, hooks) can become a post office, a kitchen, or a veterinarian's office.
2. Provide Simple Props (hats, scarves, boxes, puppets)
While themed toy sets have their place, the best props are open-ended. A simple scarf can be a cape, a river, a bandage, or a baby's blanket. A cardboard box can be a car, a fort, or a pirate ship. In contrast, a plastic toy that is only a superhero communicator limits the child's imagination. Open-ended props force the child to do the creative work, strengthening their symbolic thinking and imagination.
3. Join Their Play and Model Role-Playing
One of the most powerful things a parent can do is get on the floor and join the child's world. The golden rule, however, is to follow, don't lead. If the child hands over a block and says it's a piece of cake, the adult's job is to "eat" it, not to say, "That's a block." This participation validates their play, deepens the parent-child connection, and allows the parent to model more complex vocabulary and social interactions.
4. Ask Open-Ended Storytelling Questions
To stretch a child's narrative skills, avoid questions that have a "yes" or "no" answer. Instead of "Are you building a house?" (which is a test), ask an invitation: "Wow, that looks amazing, what happens next?" or "Where is that truck going?". These open-ended questions prompt critical thinking and encourage the child to build out their story.
5. Offer Character-Driven Toys (dolls, figures, animals)
While open-ended props are essential, character-driven toys like dolls, stuffed animals, and puppets are powerful "invitations" for narrative play. These toys are natural proxies for people and animals, making them ideal tools for practicing social roles, caregiving, storytelling, and processing emotions.
6. Give Kids Unstructured Free Play Time
In a world of packed schedules, this may be the most difficult but most important tip. Children need unstructured, unscheduled, free play time. It is in the moments of "boredom" that the engine of creativity ignites. Unstructured time is when children learn to take initiative, rely on their own internal resources, and solve their own problems—all of which are the bedrock of confidence and self-regulation.
7. Turn Everyday Routines Into Pretend Scenarios
This "gamifying" of life is a brilliant way to turn moments of potential conflict into points of connection. Is it time to clean up? "The room inspector is here!" or "We are secret agents on a mission to find all the red blocks!". Is it time to brush teeth? "We are at the kitty vet, and it's time to clean the kitty's teeth!". This reframing reduces friction, builds vocabulary, and infuses the day with imagination.
8. Limit Screens to Encourage Creative Thinking
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends limiting passive screen time, especially for children under 5. The reason is simple: passive screen viewing is the opposite of active, imaginative play. The screen does all the creative work for the child. Excessive screen time has been linked to delays in language and creative thinking. Analog, experiential play—like building with blocks, drawing, or running outside—is active brain work that passive screens cannot replace.
9. Use Music, Audiobooks, and Podcasts to Spark Imagination
This is the "how-to" solution for limiting passive screens. When a parent needs a screen-free alternative, audio-only content is a powerful tool. Unlike television, which provides the visuals, audiobooks and podcasts are not passive. They require the child to actively build the imaginary world, characters, and scenes in their own mind. This is a potent workout for the "imagination muscle." Music is similarly powerful, as it is deeply linked to creative expression and processing emotions.
10. Encourage Sibling or Peer Role-Playing Games
While solitary play is practice and parent-child play is a safe duet, peer play is where the "rubber meets the road." This is where children must use their social skills with someone whose mind they can't read—another child. Parents can facilitate this by setting up scenarios that require cooperation, such as "playing restaurant" or "running a store," which naturally create different roles that must work together.
Conclusion
Pretend play is not a luxury, a "soft skill," or an add-on to a child's education. It is a fundamental, non-negotiable, biological imperative for healthy development. It is the laboratory where children formulate their first hypotheses about the social world, and it is the high-fidelity simulator where they safely practice the art of being human.
When a child builds a fort, they are learning engineering, autonomy, and resilience. When they "feed" a doll, they are practicing compassion. And when they negotiate with a friend over who gets to be the "superhero," they are mastering the complex, nuanced skills of cooperation, communication, and empathy. By understanding, valuing, and fostering this powerful form of play, we are not just providing "fun"; we are helping our children build the essential social and emotional architecture for a resilient, empathetic, and confident life.
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